She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
