ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
