This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I am mentally ready for anal.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
