is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Welp...herpes.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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