the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
