On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
