I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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