so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
