I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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