i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
