Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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