my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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