I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
