Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
