The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
