What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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