She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
