this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
