You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
