i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
