just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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