He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
