I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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