Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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