my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
