didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
