I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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