If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
