talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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