Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
