i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
