On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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