he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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