You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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