I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
