tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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