You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
