Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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