my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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