her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize