So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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