He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i need some magic done to my vagina
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize