Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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