I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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