If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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