Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
