So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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