I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
