I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
