what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize