the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
