life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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