i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
