i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
smell my finger.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
