I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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