How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think people are normalizing furries
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
