i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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