So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
