the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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