Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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