Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
