Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
