Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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