So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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