I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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