come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
