He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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