remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
