Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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