My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
