Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
