I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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